By Ann Estlund
"Congratulations!" (Drums roll, trumpets blare!) "You've just been chosen 'Widow for a Day!'"
Thud. Silence.
It certainly doesn't make the heart flutter like the old "Queen for a Day" show of the '50s. And, believe me, no woman in her right mind would choose to win the chance to be a widow for even one day, if she knew what she was getting into, even if she knew there would be prizes at the end.
Yet, of the hundreds of widows I know from work on my book, For Widows Only!*, all but a few would jump through hoops to go back and be "Wife for a Day." Do you have any idea how much widows envy wives?
Believe me, it's not that they want your husbands; it's that they want their own husbands back, warts and all. That's despite the fact that more than half our marriages end in divorce, and most of the other half aren't so happy either. Most marriages aren't what brides pictured when they said, "I do."
Yes, I think being "widow for a day" might be the best thing that ever happened to you, and your prize will be a happier marriage while he is with you.
Try this exercise. Pretend you are a new widow, all day and into the evening. Keep a journal of the day. It will work best if your husband is out of town, or gone most of the day. But even if he's there, pretend he isn't. Imagine, as best you can, how you would feel.
Even if you have children at home, pretend to be a new widow for one day. On my For Widows Only support website, there are more than 650 real-life widows, far too many of whom are in their 20s and 30s. It happens. If you're old enough to be married, you are old enough to be widowed.
All that day, think about how your imagine your life would be without him: o Would you have enough money to live on?
Would you enjoy making all the decisions?o What would you do for the holidays?
Who would drive you to the doctor's office or hospital?
Would you like taking vacations alone?
Who would do the chores that he now does?
All day and into the night, think about what your life would be like if he wasn't ever coming home. No one to call with good news...or bad. No one to stop for milk on the way home or settle the kids' fights or take out the trash or clean the garage or install a shelf or trim a tree...or smile and say, "I love you."
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Annie Estlund is the author of the handbook, For Widows Only. Visit her Web site to learn more about her support group for widows.
